Holidays & Worries

It is that time of the year again. Right around the time when it's thanksgiving holiday and I'm flooded with papers! Yup it happens every year! It's almost like tradition. Actually, last year it didn't happen. Last year, I was a free bird. Last year I took one semester off from school (transitioning between undergraduate and graduate school mostly). Somehow, I feel like I am so much more now, so much more alive, now that I am back in school. It is when I am buried under paper assignments and having more and more panic attacks due to deadlines and its pressure... It's almost done now. Only two weeks or so left and then I can officially take a breath from school and work all together....at least until January again.

Another thing I'm absolutely worried about is my students' CATW exam day approaching. They are taking it on Dec. 10th! That is not very far away! Oh I hate this part when I can't even be the one to judge them to give them the green light to say GO you passed even! I just have to let them take the step to the testing office and the world outside our classroom and all that we've been doing thus far. Then after a week, I will be "given" their scores along with my lead teacher. Honestly, I don't know which one to be more worried and nervous about, my school workload or my students passing the CATW?

Talking about Writing & Revising

As you all may know, I currently work in the writing center at LaGuardia Community College and have been there for about 3 years or so. My daily job is to meet students and talk to them about their papers and eventually tutor them to become better writers. Well, recently, I've been told by a professor that I need to start showing my own paper to peer tutors. It is true, indeed, that I am sometimes very aware of sharing my paper. I think it goes back to my past with my older sister and father who whenever they "looked at" my paper, started to criticize it so much and start changing around the sentences so much that I really felt like it wasn't my voice anymore. As a writing center tutor, it is always my responsibility to be careful not to steal someone's voice when helping them out with a paper.

So now this is my goal. I'd like to really start showing my written work to peer tutors so that I can get that second and third opinion for my writings.

Students' Improvements

It is now the 18th of November and in about 20 days (Dec. 10th), my students will be taking the CATW exam. Although I am absolutely nervous and anxious for them, I must admit that every single one of my students have improved in their writing in one way or another. I'm comparing them with the first CATW they took in class and the first writings they used to hand in to us. Both my lead teacher and I have agreed that even if they don't pass this stupid test, they all have improved and have become better writers and readers. This is one thing that I am truly proud of with my students.

I do hope they all pass the test only because I don't want them to become discouraged or think in any way that this class was a "waste of their time" because as I mentioned, they have indeed improved. Less than 20 days. Lord help us!

Lives on the Boundary...

It's been about three months now since I started co-teaching at Hostos Community College. I've been learning a lot as I've been going about teaching, about writing, about the system, and about my students. One thing I've been noticing is that these are the very people that Mike Rose wrote a book on, the lives on the boundary. The ones who have been failing reading and writing, the ones who are misunderstood, the ones who are dedicated to learning but are often misrepresented by the "system."

There is one boy in my afternoon class, let's call him "George". For some reason, I feel like he thinks he's still in high school. The way he acts as a student and as a classmate. He just doesn't take responsibility. He sits in class (if he ever makes it on time) and after numerous "warnings" by the CUNY Start director and the lead teacher, he still manages to tease and bully a student in our class who by the way has a learning disability. He just continues to do half-a**ed jobs on the homeworks and CATW papers. In fact, the most recent CATW I read from him looked exactly like what he wrote when we first took the test from the class as an assessment, not at all following the outline we have provided for the class, no improvement basically!

So my lead teacher has decided to kick him out of the program officially. He has already had so many warnings and has failed to make any progress in anything. Though at first I was very upset with her decision trying to say that isn't he exactly one of those "lives on the boundary"? And shouldn't we, as compassionate teachers, be willing to work hard to hear him out? Maybe he just comes from a background that you and I can't understand. But, after further investigation and much thought and reflection on my part, I realized that perhaps this must be in his best interest. The truth is, we've already been giving a lot of chances to him and he hasn't made much progress at all no matter how much we tried to reason with him. The problem now is not only him but the fact that he ruins the dynamic of the class by distracting others and teasing a classmate as I mentioned before. Perhaps after he leaves this program, he will learn more to appreciate the chances that are given to him!

Taking Control of Tutoring Sessions

Today, I found a sheet in my mailbox at Lagcc writing center that includes some good writing/grammar practicing websites in it that we can give to our tutees. So here they are, if any of you would like to give it to your students:
1. CUNY Write Site: http://www.writesite.cuny.edu/
2. Guide to Grammar & Writing: www.grammar.ccccommnet.edu/grammar
3. Grammar Bytes: www.chompchomp.com/menu.htm
4. Big Dog's Grammar: www.aliscot.com/bigdog
5. English Page: http://www.englishpage.com/

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On another note, I've recently been trying to implement my tutoring sessions based on what I've been learning at my Writing Center Theory and Practice class. One thing I've realized about tutoring as I've tried the different techniques, which also applies to teaching, is the ability to take risks and really take control of a tutoring session. At times, when I see a student who comes in with a B+ and wants to work for an A, I immediately feel like ''ok, what am I supposed to help him with. He obviously has the main points of the essay. What can I really help him with to become a better writer, and not just edit his paper?" However, recently I've just been taking control of the situation and stepping out of the "cubicle" (the place where we work with students) and letting them work on a specific task. At first, I used to think "oh no, the student might feel like I'm not providing the help I should or perhaps my supervisor will think I'm just being lazy". But then I see that my supervisor says nothing and my students actually benefit a lot more. This really reminds me of our class a couple of days ago with professor Gleason when she said: "sometimes 'less' is more."

Merely a poem, just playing with words. And colors.

**This poem was inspired by the sceneries I passed by on my way to NY today in the bus. So so beautiful. I truly love Autumn.**

"Feast of Colours"

Green is for life

Though love is set in strife

Within a sip of wine,

there's cerise, perfect to dine.

With a red that is on fire

A yellow that's dire

A sun that is bright

Orange in its light

Fathom this image

Imagine the mirage

Close your eyes to destiny

But hold your heart and be free

This city is great in its Autumn

Great in its colours, never common

Let the leaves brilliantly fall

Breathe in the cold air this Fall

Maroon takes its own place

Relax, but try and win this race

Pace in the distance

Run right into resistance

Let it rain

Smile and take the pain

Let the wind guide you

Pause. And now you know what to do.

Fall Conference Reflection

So last week I posted a blog about going to a meeting with all of my colleagues at Hostos Community College to "collaboratively learn" as teachers. Well, this meeting or shall I call it (7-hour) conference, truly exceeded my expectations.

Although it was very long, it was never boring. Firstly, teachers and administration staff came to the conference from all CUNY Start programs from BMCC and HCC, all CTI programs from LaGCC and KCC, and CTP from Lehman. It was great to see and socialize or as my advisor professor Gleason always says, to "network". I actually also got to see an old classmate who came as the academic advisor from BMCC. As I went around and met new people, I realized just how small of a world CUNY really is. My job at lagcc writing center connected to the new test talk to the internship I did last summer at the CLEP GED bridge program to my co-teaching job at Hostos to my Language and Literacy program at ccny to that professor whose class I took last semester to the conference.

I won't go over each detail of the conference, but I must highlight the section where all the Reading/Writing teachers gathered together in one room and went over the new CATW tests. This was a true collaborative learning experience where we went over different students' sample essays and tried to figure out what score each one would get. In each case, we brought in our own previous knowledge of the test and what we have been told from here and there and our own knowledge of writing and tried to learn together. I truly benefitted from this portion of the conference as I did with other parts as well. Another section of the conference was an honored guest who came to speak to us about the issues with learning disability students at CUNY and specifically in the said CLEP programs and to what they are privileged and whatnot. As my lead teacher and I have been realizing there are a few students in our classes who have learning disabilities, this was a great eye-opener.

One other thing I noticed when I was at the conference was the realization that I was the youngest member there. This both scared me and made me proud of myself. The fact that I have so much to learn still from these people and the realization that I actually do have something to offer as a "beginning" teacher. So far, the experiences have been very gratifying for me. I hope to genuinely learn and grow more and more as an instructor and student in this program.

Writing Rant

This semester, I've been doing a lot of readings on how to write and it has really changed the way I think about writing. For one thing, it has made me very aware of how my writing process is just very structured and if I don't follow the "usual" steps of outlining, writing the essay based on the outline, and the revision. However, when I write, I am way too often suffering from writer's anxiety where I just keep on second-guessing everything I write and trying to 'fix' each sentence before getting to the next. I have actually recently started reading Mike Rose's "Writer's Block: A Cognitive Dimension" and it just makes me so angry that I've been trained since high school and brainwashed a bit with these rigid rules of writing. For example: "don't ever start your sentence with 'and' or 'but'" Even when I am grading my students' papers at Hostos, it just looks wrong to me when students do so. Then, I think back, where in the English grammar does it really say that? Or just this constant need to wanting to revise each and every sentence and prematurely "edit" an essay as Rose puts it. All of this especially annoys me because I like writing freely and journal writing and blogging and writing poetry. So why, I ask myself, am I so stuck on this need to write in this particular 5-paragraph structured way when it comes to academic writing which truly limits my own abilities of writing and cuts any sort of emotion that I may actually have in the subject?

I am now partly anxious about my way of writing, partly angry with the system of high schools and the way they have taught me how to write, partly insecure about my writing, and just needing to revise my writing. Somehow.

Collaborative Learning for Teachers

Today, we are having a huge meeting with all of CUNY Start teachers from Borough of Manhattan Community College (BMCC), Hostos Community College (HCC) and also another group of teachers from another group called CTI from Kingsborough Community College (KCC) and LaGuardia Community College (LaGCC). All staff from these colleges/programs are required to attend the 7-hour meeting. We are to bring up topics from our teaching experiences along with sample student papers to discuss.

I am very excited actually to see how other teachers have been doing so far (since September) and what their outlook is on the CATW test. It really is the ultimate collaborative learning for teachers where we meet to discuss and share our ideas and move forward together as teachers.

I guess I should make another blog entry about the results and/or my reflections on it.